he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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