everyone is single if you try hard enough
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
