well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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