You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
