The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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