Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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