My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
