last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
