So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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