Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
