apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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