so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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