I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
