Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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