break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
