take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
