mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
