My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize