So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
