go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
