i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
