Say something about gay babies.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
