I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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