I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
