Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
