I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Semen is not good for contacts.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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