Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
