I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
