He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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