weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
