just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
