She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
