Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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