Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just want nice things and good sex
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
