You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize