We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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