also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
