my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We have started to decorate penises.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
