We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
