You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
