his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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