I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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