Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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