What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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