why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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