Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just high enough for therapy.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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