Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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