she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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