chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize