Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
