i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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