He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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