If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
