And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
FUCK WHALES
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