i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize