my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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