I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
