walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
