I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
