Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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