Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Randomize
