Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
