The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
