Betty ford says i'm here all night
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
