How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't deserve a penis
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
