i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize