Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
