get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think I am morally bankrupt
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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