Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
