So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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