shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
