I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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