I just cut my nipple shaving
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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